Mirroring the Good: A Way of Growing Others and Yourself


Most people are used to hearing others say what is bad and wrong about them.  That is one of the causes of fear of public speaking. It shocks people to hear all the good that you sense and see in them.  We use “mirroring the good” as a part of  our speaking training to help people to relax at the center of attention, develop authentic presence and become comfortable speaking in front of groups.


When people are acknowledged for who they are, what they do well and for the positive qualities they possess, it sets them free to be who they are. Tension and anxiety literally drain out of people when we flood them with supportive feedback acknowledging what is good, strong and valuable about how they come across.


Mirroring the good is not just a nice thing to do for other people, it is a powerful tool for growing other people and even for growing yourself.  It involves feeding positive statements to others so that they begin to see themselves more positively. With enough mirroring the good, people eventually are able to give that positive feedback to themselves. Because the act of mirroring the good grows others, this makes it a valuable leadership skill. Once you learn how to mirror the good in others, you begin to exert a powerful influence on people where your words cause a transformation in those around you.


But what if you just want to grow yourself? Mirroring the good absolutely empowers you to be all that you want to be.  To give positive feedback to others, you must first identify qualities that you admire in others.  Many people will envy other’s good qualities instead of acknowledging them outright.  When you envy something in another, you push that quality away from you.  But when you acknowledge that quality in the other person, you draw that quality to you and begin to own it for yourself.  So you grow yourself through acknowledgement of others.


So how do you mirror the good for others?  Simply ask yourself what do you see, sense, perceive or know about someone that you think is good, strong and valuable?  Whatever your answer, say that to the person directly.  Don’t expect them to receive it easily.  More often than not, that person will have difficulty saying thank you.  They are more likely to be shocked at your positive feedback.  Don’t let that daunt you.  Just give your feedback as a gift, smile and walk away. The more you practice mirroring the good, the more good you will see in others and the more good you will own as a part of who you are.

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